Eating Utensils

I feel I have to share with you my thoughts on eating utensils and when they should and should not be used. My thoughts are that you will agree with me on this to a certain extent and maybe you won't, but that is OK. We all have our preferences.

For instance, I believe there are some things that just have to be eaten with your hands and then there are others that you do need to eat with a knife and fork. I consider myself somewhat dignified when it comes to my eating habits, but I am also not afraid to roll up my sleeves and get after it if the meal calls for me to do so.

Some of the things that you should always eat with your hands are burgers and fries, hot dogs, pizza (though I've been known to use a knife and fork on a deep dish), ribs, any kind of sandwich with a pass to open faced sandwiches, bacon, and any type of melon. I am sure you may be able to come up with others, but I list these as I have seen all of the above eaten by others with a knife and fork. I actually witnessed something the other night that was unbearable for me to watch and contain my composure. The following is my story.

Last week I saw a report on the news about Boston being the next city to ban trans fats in all of their restaurants. If you know me, I think you know where I stand on this kind of govermental inteference. Lets get one thing straight. None of us are going to get out of this thing we call life, alive. I would much rather die of a heart attack after eating cheeseburgers all my life than eating salads and get hit by a truck, but that's just me. I don't have anything against people that decide to eat a healthy diet, but I don't need my government or Mayor Bloomberg telling me I can't eat trans fats in his fine city.

Anyway, they are showing this story about no more trans fats in Boston and while they are reporting they show some folks eating breakfast in a diner. As God as my witness, they show a guy actually eating a slice of bacon with a knife and fork. Are you f&*king kidding me? Pick that bacon up and eat it the way it is supposed to be eaten. I told Nick about this and we both had a laugh. I am sure he thinks I am crazy about some of my dining proclivities, but I just want to educate people about enjoying their lives a little bit more.

So Nick being a big Mets fans tells me we should go to ESPN Zone to watch the game and that sounds like a great idea. I figure there will be plenty of sports and beer involved, so it can't be all that bad. I wasn't feeling all that hungry myself, but was still looking forward to it. We sit down and start with a couple of drinks and the game. A couple of guys are seated next to us and I notice they place their orders. I don't hear what they order, but when the waitress arrives some minutes later with their plates, see they are having cheeseburgers. I am not paying much attention as I am getting into the game as well. In between innings I happen to look to my left and I am sure you can guess what I see.

Yes, both of these guys are eating their cheeseburgers with a knife and fork. I am so enthralled by this display that I am squirming in my seat. Nick is laughing as he knows what this is doing to me. I figure maybe they are just eating the patty, but after turning completely around to view this train wreck, I see that they are going at it bun and all. I liken eating a cheeseburger with a knife and fork to sucking on some big old fat titties with your hands tied behind your back. Sure it is probably good, but it is not as good as it can be. Why deprive yourself? There has to be some connection between your hands and your tastebuds, so pick up those foods that are made to be eaten with your hands and enjoy yourself a little.

By the way, Nick had a buffalo chicken sandwich and he did eat it with his hands. More importantly, Nick said the sandwich was so hot he was on fire. I love a place that doesn't warn you about how hot and spicy their food is. You order hot, you have to suck it up and get after it without any complaints. He put it all down and only had to ask for one glass of water. A true champion in my book.

Eat, drink and be merry!

Harry