Last week was a very sad week for me. Sure the rain and high water from tropical storm Fay played a part, but that is minimal to the heartbreak I suffered. Let me break it down for you.
Last week I had to say good-bye to a long-time friend. Actually, "friend" trivializes the relationship I am going to reveal to you. You see, this girl was much more to me than a friend. She was my mistress. She has been there for me for years when I have needed her. Always open late at night after a night on the town, even there early in the morning when breakfast was her thing for a while. My mistresses' name was Wendy. Yes, she of the bright red hair and cute ponytails. I have vowed that I have put her in my past and will never see her again. Here's what has driven me to the point of no return.
Early in our relationship Wendy was able to seduce me with the utter decadance of her double cheeseburgers, hot crispy fries and smooth Frosty treats. Being a man of simple pleasures, this was enough for me and we used to meet at least once a week for me to sample her offerings, but as with all relationships, things began to get a bit routine. But Wendy was special, she started to change things up on me and introduced the chicken sandwich. Imagine my surprise when I realized that it was pretty good. Next she throws out the spicy chicken sandwich and it is phenomenal. I am a big fan of the spice. But could it be that she is cheating on me? Where is she learning all of these things. She had never showed me this side of her before. I began to worry.
My weakness as it pertains to Wendy is the spicy chicken sandwich with a slice of cheese. There my friends was my wrongdoing. Like Icarus, I flew too close to the flame and tried to make what was already incredile even better. You see, I only get the cheese added to my sandwich about 30% of the time when I order it, but pay for that slice of cheese 100% of the time. Have you ever tried to put a slice of cold cheese on your sandwich once you get home after discovering you've been cheated in the drive-thru? It's like asking your wife for a lap dance after coming home from the gentleman's ballet. You have to know that I am tired of being treated like a nobody in this relationship. Where the hell do they get these people in these restaurants? Do they know what is at stake here when they screw-up these orders? I don't think that they do and more importantly, they don't give a damn. Well, I am done and they won't have me to kick around anymore. I will never eat at a Wendy's again! I know what you are thinking, "You mean just that particular Wendy's." No, I am never going to eat at any Wendy's location as long as I live. If you like to eat the way that I do, you know that is a strong statement. In fact, I am giving my wife a certificate for two free combo meals that was sent to me when I last wrote them and complained about my unhappiness. This relationship is truly over.
This is truly a sad day as Wendy's is the best there is in my opinion when it comes to quick service restaurants. Adding to my suffering is a commercial I saw tonight about their Baconator. Yes, I can tell you that I have never enjoyed the decadence of this overloaded sandwich with it's two beef patties and six strips of bacon, but when the spokesman in the commercial declared himself a "meatatarian", I was close to going back. You'll be happy to know I had another beer and put all thoughts of my former lover out of my mind and have moved on.
So there it is. The end of a long-term relationship that has ended badly. You folks do what you want, but I am done. All I can say is that I hope you don't get treated by this redheaded vixen as I hvae been treated.
Her father is probably rolling in his grave.
Eat, drink and be merry!
Harry
Last week I had to say good-bye to a long-time friend. Actually, "friend" trivializes the relationship I am going to reveal to you. You see, this girl was much more to me than a friend. She was my mistress. She has been there for me for years when I have needed her. Always open late at night after a night on the town, even there early in the morning when breakfast was her thing for a while. My mistresses' name was Wendy. Yes, she of the bright red hair and cute ponytails. I have vowed that I have put her in my past and will never see her again. Here's what has driven me to the point of no return.
Early in our relationship Wendy was able to seduce me with the utter decadance of her double cheeseburgers, hot crispy fries and smooth Frosty treats. Being a man of simple pleasures, this was enough for me and we used to meet at least once a week for me to sample her offerings, but as with all relationships, things began to get a bit routine. But Wendy was special, she started to change things up on me and introduced the chicken sandwich. Imagine my surprise when I realized that it was pretty good. Next she throws out the spicy chicken sandwich and it is phenomenal. I am a big fan of the spice. But could it be that she is cheating on me? Where is she learning all of these things. She had never showed me this side of her before. I began to worry.
My weakness as it pertains to Wendy is the spicy chicken sandwich with a slice of cheese. There my friends was my wrongdoing. Like Icarus, I flew too close to the flame and tried to make what was already incredile even better. You see, I only get the cheese added to my sandwich about 30% of the time when I order it, but pay for that slice of cheese 100% of the time. Have you ever tried to put a slice of cold cheese on your sandwich once you get home after discovering you've been cheated in the drive-thru? It's like asking your wife for a lap dance after coming home from the gentleman's ballet. You have to know that I am tired of being treated like a nobody in this relationship. Where the hell do they get these people in these restaurants? Do they know what is at stake here when they screw-up these orders? I don't think that they do and more importantly, they don't give a damn. Well, I am done and they won't have me to kick around anymore. I will never eat at a Wendy's again! I know what you are thinking, "You mean just that particular Wendy's." No, I am never going to eat at any Wendy's location as long as I live. If you like to eat the way that I do, you know that is a strong statement. In fact, I am giving my wife a certificate for two free combo meals that was sent to me when I last wrote them and complained about my unhappiness. This relationship is truly over.
This is truly a sad day as Wendy's is the best there is in my opinion when it comes to quick service restaurants. Adding to my suffering is a commercial I saw tonight about their Baconator. Yes, I can tell you that I have never enjoyed the decadence of this overloaded sandwich with it's two beef patties and six strips of bacon, but when the spokesman in the commercial declared himself a "meatatarian", I was close to going back. You'll be happy to know I had another beer and put all thoughts of my former lover out of my mind and have moved on.
So there it is. The end of a long-term relationship that has ended badly. You folks do what you want, but I am done. All I can say is that I hope you don't get treated by this redheaded vixen as I hvae been treated.
Her father is probably rolling in his grave.
Eat, drink and be merry!
Harry
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1 comment:
Steak-n-Shake baby!....kick that red-headed tramp to the curb!
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